Kamui is Straight
by Shigeru Hiko
Summary: Kamui is plauged by his opposing Kamui's twisted sense of humour, and everyone wants in his pants. However, Kamui is firm in his belief that he is a straight young man, and no, there's not a damn thing you can do to change his mind, Subaru.
1. Kamui is Straight Parts 1 & 2

Kamui is Straight!!  
  
A horrifying revalation brought to you by: Alex Shinigami and Tara-chan  
  
Disclaimer: We apologise in advance for the overly BLATENT torturing of Kamui (oh, but that what we like? Sailor Senshi: Ne ne....), and the utter mocking of any and every X character we love and hate. Except Kusanagi, 'cause he's too *nice* to torture.  
  
You've been warned.....  
  
Part One: Kamui is Straight! Homework Help!  
  
'Their Destiny was foreordained....'  
  
Or something like that.  
  
Kamui Shiro was a normal high school kid, with normal problems. A powerful young man with strong psycho-err, pyschic/telekinetic powers, a bringer of the End of the World....yewah, he was pretty normal for a kid living in Tokyo in the year 1999....  
  
Especially since it had been the year 1999 for quite a few years now.  
  
And now, all Kamui wanted was a bath, and some quiet time to do homework. Which would mean he would inevitably need to go and ask Subaru for help. Which would inevitably mean more 'touchy-feely-*friendly*' moments. The very thought made him cringe.  
  
'It's bad enough I have to deal with Fuuma and Keiichi....well, at least Fuuma only attacks me outside school, Keiichi likes to attempt to grope me during classes....,' sighing, Kamui headed towards his current home, some rich guy who used to go to CLAMP campus was letting all of the Ten no Ryu stay in his mansion. How utterly nice and conviniant.  
  
'At least *he* stopped trying to attack me when I told him I was a guy,' thought Kamui.  
  
Kamui fidgeted with his tie, which Subaru now fixed for him everyday...the dreamy look in his eyes as he did it always made Kamui think that he was imagining tying Seishiro's tie. How utterly droll, seeing as Seishiro was the one who killed his sister....  
  
'Then again, Fuuma killed Kotori, and everyone thinks that we are in love...GOD! I mean, really, he tries to kill me while trying to screw me senseless with my clothes on at the same time...if the pain and the fact that we were both guys didn't turn me off all the time, I might be flattered...wait, no I wouldn't. I think I'd just be pissed. Oh wait, the only difference is now I'm pissed and in pain most of the time.'  
  
Kamui passed through the doors of the mansion, and waved at Nekoi playing with her little spirit dog, and smiled. 'At least she's nice to me. Well, Karen and Aoki-san are too, but she at least is my age and not trying to glomp me all the time...,' he thought.  
  
The truth was, Kamui was tired of being the object of all of the male CLAMP characters affections. 'Just because I look like Hikaru doesn't mean I like guys too.' Everyday, when he walked to school, he watched as Fuuma floated in the sky watching, with Seishiro on his back. It was a funny sight, but after the tenth day of being stalked on his way to school, it was getting annoying. Well, and then there was the day that Seishiro had fallen off of Fuuma's back, and had gone crashing to the ground. Kamui had turned around and openly started to laugh, until the Sakurazukamori decided to show an emotion, and emotion that could have been the angriest anger Kamui had ever seen, even more angry then the time he accidently spilled water on Aoki's manga-ka's finished pages (Ohh, that had been bad, especialy when Aoki started to cry, saying he couldn't go home that weekend because he had to get the manga-ka to redo the ruined pages, and he had been more than angry...his little girl was having another birthday, she had been turning whatever age she was again for the third year of 1999, and he had wanted to go home again, oh, bad bad BAD time...Kamui was pretty sure he had another enemy, until Karen thought she'd try to quick dry the papers with her fire power, which just led to more of Aoki's tears and a blackened coffee table, which got him in trouble wth that guy who owned the mansion....whoever he was....), and then the Sakurazukamori started to chase him...Oh, needless to say, he didn't go to school that day. He hid in a dumpster, and had come home early, smelly, and took a shower. Then, as soon as he got the towel wrapped around him, Subaru came in, asking questions about the Sakurazukamori, and that led to another meeting of the Ten no Ryu, where Kamui was wearing only a towel.  
  
'I hope that doesn't happen agan,' thought Kamui. 'I don't think I could stand anymore of Subaru's 'come hither' looks. It's starting to freak me out a bit. The first time was okay...but after time 234,518,762, I lost track.'  
  
The number was closer to 999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999....you get the idea. it's a BIG number.  
  
Quickly making sure there were no hidden camera's, Subaru's, Chi no Ryu's or Keiichi's, he ran into the shower, and got clean.  
  
'At least I don't have a braid like Hikaru.....or as soon as I thought it was safe to turn around, I'd be drug into bed with one of the men trying to get into my pants.....'  
  
Kamui thought about that girl in his homeroom.  
  
'Or a member of the opposite sex, Hinoto forbid....'  
  
He rolled his eyes, and got into the shower.  
  
Kamui was working on his hordes and hordes of homework....thoughts of pychically blasting his teachers flew threw his head, but he shook them away. Besides, when the end of the world came, finally, at least then he'd die an educated man, right?  
  
Ri-i-i-ight.  
  
Finally, he caved in, and seached out Subaru, in hopes he could get some help. He knocked lightly on Subaru's door, hoping that hs friend and unwanted suitor was in. "Subaru-san?" he asked, cautiously. "Subaru-san, it's Kamui, I was wondering-"  
  
The door opened, and Subaru was wearing a leather body suit. Kamui almost fainted. He was wearing happy pj's that featured bears and clouds, and was the happy and cheerful opposite of the 25-year old in front of him.  
  
"Hello Kamui," said Subaru in a gruff voice. "I was just *cough* *cough*-"  
  
"Subaru-san, are you okay?" asked Kamui.  
  
"Fine," he replied in his usual voice. "I think I caught a cold though. That's why my voice keeps cracking."  
  
Suddenly, there was a breeze, and cherry blossoms floated by. "Oh, I thought you were gong through puberty, Subaru-kun," said an all too familiar voice.  
  
"Look, I have to help my Kamui right now, not you," sad Subaru. "Can we please be angsty and innuendo-y later?"  
  
Seishiro sighed. "Okay, okay. I'll see you later, my little uke," he said, and jumped out the window. Subaru cringed at that last remark, and Kamui blinked.  
  
"Subaru-san....."  
  
"Yes, Kamui?" He put an arm around Kamui's shoulder. Kamui paled a little....  
  
'The price I pay for tutoring...it' a good thing I don't ask Fuuma.....'  
  
"Okay, I hate to sound stupid, but what's an uke? I've never heard the word before, except when Fuuma and Seishiro are talking about us, or when Karen's around."  
  
"Karen?" asked Subaru. He pondered something for a moment, than shrugged. "Well, I guess women can be uke too....."  
  
"Okay, that's great, real swell there," said Kamui, none too amused wth Subaru's evading the question. "But what the hell is one?"  
  
Subaru blushed. "Ask Aoki. Now, about your homework," he said, a hand sliding idly around Kamui's waist, "Let's see what we can do....."  
  
Awhile later, after dodging each one of Subaru's 54 advances (a new low record for homework help for Kamui), Kamui was still plauged by a burning question.  
  
'What is an uke?'  
  
Walking around the mansion, he saw Aoki entertaning the manga-ka he worked for. He decided to wait until later to ask what an uke was, because he didn't want the manga-ka to kill him for the water incident. At least Aoki didn't do what he threatened, still, he hadn't thought that Aoki knew such language that would make Sorata blush, and from all accounts, the manga-ka had an even WORSE reaction.  
  
At the time, Kamui had thought that impossible. Still, it wasn't worth asking and disturbing Aoki to find out.  
  
Walking into the kitchen, he saw Sorata hitting on Arashi again.  
  
"Come on, Arashi-baby," he said, "I love you! And it only hurts the first time!"  
  
"Listen, Sorata," she said, looking him in the eyes, with a patented Heero Yui death glare (she must have been watching Gundam Wing reruns with Nekoi), "I am not your 'hunny'! I'm not your 'baby', 'sweetie pie', 'sugar plum', or 'schnookums'! I'm a Shrine MAIDEN! M-A-I-D-E-N!!"  
  
"Well, we could change that," he said, sliding in close. It looked like Arashi was going to bite his nose off, but instead....  
  
Instead, they began making out on the countertops. Kamui paled even more, making himself as white as a movie screen (which by all accounts, is all the paler the Kamui of the Ten no Ryu could possibly get), and almost fell over.  
  
'Remind me to never make a sandwich on *that* countertop again,' thought Kamui, regaining his composure. 'Oh well. I'll ignore them, and grab a bite to eat. Hot damn, everyone around here is hyped up on hormones....'  
  
Leaving the kitchen quite unnoticed, he searched out someplace to just sit, and contemplate life. Or, some reasonable faxsimille.  
  
Part Two: Seishiro and Subaru! Out Of Character Fun!  
  
Meanwhile, Subaru was lying on his bed, thinking about Kamui.  
  
'Oh, that beautiful black-violet hair...those lovely eyes...what wouldn't give to touch that body without those obtrusive clothes on...he's got such a pretty body, with a lovely frame for someone so young....You know, know I understand why Seishiro was so obsessed with me when I was younger...sixteen year olds have great bodies in the CLAMP universe.'  
  
Cherry blossoms floated around Subaru's bed, and he sighed. Turning to face the window, he smiled. "Hello, my sexy little Sei-chan," said Subaru.  
  
"Hmph," said Seishiro. "There's nothing little about me." The Sakurazukamori sat down beside his lithe and pretty onmyouji lover, and smiled.  
  
Subaru stroked Seishiro's leg, and smiled. "I know," he said.  
  
Soon, the two were a mix of tasty limbs and writhing bodies. Subaru, of course, was on the bottom, as usual, and enjoying every bit of it. The sounds of leather being peeled off were heard, and the sounds of a suit tearing soon followed.  
  
"Damn," muttered Seishiro. "That was Armani too."  
  
"Oops," giggled Subaru. "So-"  
  
"Stop!" said Seishiro, grinning. "We are supposed to be having a wildly out of character moment! If you fall back in character-"  
  
"Oh, right. My bad," said Subaru.  
  
Later, when it was dark outside, and the stars had been out for awhile, Subaru and Seishiro just layed there, smoking ciggerettes, and enjoying the moment.  
  
"You know, Sei-chan," said Subaru, in the euphoria of the after, "You smell like Fuuma."  
  
Seishiro laughed. "And you smell like Kamui."  
  
Subaru laughed. "At least you get some from *your* Kamui....."  
  
"Yes, well," said Seishiro. "Subaru-kun, if you ever get your Kamui to unfreeze himself around you, let me give you this peice of advice....."  
  
"Yes, Darling?"  
  
"Let the Kamui be on top," he said.  
  
"Wha-at?!"  
  
"Face it," said Seishiro. "You are as bad as that cute Chihaya from Earthian. You are everybody's uke."  
  
Subaru scowled. "Well, at least I'm not a housewife like Kamui."  
  
"No, you are the housewife's uke," said Seishiro.  
  
Suddenly, Seishiro and Subaru felt there out of character moment come to an end. If they were allowed to feel emotion when they were in character, they would have been sad.  
  
"Get out of here!" yelled Subaru. He put on pants and a nearby t- shirt. He was happy they were his angsty black. "Don't touch me again, you murderer of my sister!"  
  
"Is that the thanks I get for showing you a good time?"  
  
His only response was a vase shattering beside him, and Subaru's tears as he crumpled to the floor.  
  
Outside the door, Karen and Arashi were walking by, and they head the vase shatter.  
  
"Sounds like Seishiro-san is paying a visit to Subaru again," said Arashi.  
  
Karen nodded. "Those two are worse than any newlywed couple I've met."  
  
They both shrugged. "Men," they said in unison.  
  
Next time: Part Three: Kamui Learns About Ukes! Nataku Plays Poker?  
  
Please review, and send email: Volettara@aol.com 


	2. Kamui is Straight Part 3

Part Three: Kamui Learns About Ukes! Nataku Plays Poker?  
  
Kamui soon learned of Subaru's angst fest moment with Seishiro, and shrugged. This happened about once a week, and by now, he expected it.  
  
Kamui had been sitting in the library, reading a Mercedes Lackey book called "Magic's Pawn," until he came upon the part with Vanyel and Tylendel. He then tossed it aside, and started to read something cleaner. The first thing he found was "The Claiming of Sleeping Beauty," by Anne Rice. Bad smut was better than reading about what Subaru's life could have been like. Or his own, if he liked men, or allowed Subaru to comfort him on stormy nights. It was a secret fear of Kamui's, lightning storms. Which probably meant Fuuma loved them.  
  
'My luck, the day of the final battle, not only will Fuuma REALLY decided to screw me senseless, but it'll be up in Tokyo Tower during the middle of a nasty lighning storm.'  
  
Kamui's other fear was a fear of hieghts.  
  
Anyway, he had been enjoying the bad smut, when Aoki entered the room.  
  
"Good evening, Kamui," said Aoki. "You know, my daughter has a pair of pajama's just like yours."  
  
'Yeah, Aoki...that's just what I wanted to hear,' thought or bear- clad Prince of Angst (This role was formerly played by Subaru, until he lost all emotions).  
  
Kamui carefully kept from cringing, and Aoki smiled. "So, what are you reading?"  
  
"Bad smut," he replied.  
  
Aoki nodded. "'The Claiming of Sleeping Beauty'?"  
  
"Yeah," said Kamui. "How'd you know?"  
  
"Well, that's the worst smut book I can think of," said Aoki. He blushed. "Not that I've read it, Sorata-"  
  
"You don't have to lie with me," said Kamui.  
  
"Actually, my wife read it," he said. "I read the chapter she wanted to-" Aoki noticed the look of absolute horror on Kamui's face that was leading into the boy screaming 'TOO MUCH INFORMATION!', and stopped.  
  
"Sorry," said Aoki.  
  
Kamui shook his head, and cleared his mind. "I'll be okay," he said. "Besides, I have a question for you."  
  
"Oh?" said Aoki. "What?"  
  
"What's an uke?"  
  
Aoki then turned bright red. A man who had just seconds ago been about to reveal his sex secrets was now blushing about explaining what an uke is. What a world. Obviously, Karen had only partially broken down his 'chastity' barriers. "Wh-what? You mean you don't know?"  
  
"No," said Kamui. "So, tell me. I wanna know."  
  
"You know, that book," said Aoki, calmly ignoring the question at hand and changing subjects slyly, "I can give you a copy of something I borrowed from Sorata."  
  
Kamui looked very unamused. "Nice try, how about answering my question?"  
  
Aoki looked at him, and took a deep breathe. "An uke is....well, when two men...um...oh, just ask Karen."  
  
"Someone call for me?" she said, poppng up conviniantly.  
  
"Yeah," said Kamui. "No one will tell me what an uke is!"  
  
"Oh, honey, don't ask anyone who's a male and straight about that," she said. "Ask me. Or better yet, ask Subaru to demonstrate. Hew's a pretty good uke, according to Seishiro."  
  
"I know, I heard."  
  
Karen laughed. "Oh honey, you don't sleep in the room next to them!"  
  
Kamui was unamused. Which, cause further amusement for Karen.  
  
Kamui took a deep breath, and asked, very calmly (much to his credit), "Now, please, tell me, what is an uke?"  
  
Karen regained her composure, and said, suddenly stoping with her laughter and taking on a very serious face and tone of voice, "Well, and uke is the guy in a homosexual relationship who is typically the one who's getting fucked up the ass," she said, rather bluntly.  
  
Kamui stared. And promptly fell out of his chair, still in a sitting position.  
  
Aoki laughed softly. "Ever hear of subtle, Karen-san?" he asked.  
  
"Nope."  
  
After a few moments, it was apparent that Kamui was not moving. Cautiously, Karen poked him. He fell over again, like a statue, except without breaking.  
  
"Damn," said Karen. "Looks like he's in a state of shock."  
  
Aoki nodded. "You should probably learn subtle, Karen-san."  
  
Later, Kamui was back in the kitchen, scrubbing the countertops. After what Arashi and Sorata were up to, he was afraid no amount of lysol would ever let him feel safe about eating there. Nekoi came in, smiling happily with Inuiki. She opened the huge plot hole sized freezer to get an ice cream come.  
  
"Oh, thank you!" she said, and a hand reached out and handed her a cone. Kamui looked up from his scrubbing, and blinked.  
  
And blinked again.  
  
'What the-?'  
  
Kamui looked in the freezer. There was Fuuma, playing cards with Nataku, inside the freezer. "I don't care how nucking futs this world is," said Kamui, "But there is no reason for you to be playing cards in the freezer!"  
  
"See Kamui, I'm your foil. *You* would never play cards with Nataku in the freezer, So I must."  
  
Kamui stared blankly at his dead sexy former-freind turned evil-enemy- man-who-wants-to-be-a-suitor. "Look, I also get dressed in the morning, and would never fly around Tokyo naked. Don't tell me-"  
  
Fuuma smiled.  
  
"Ah hell," said Kamui. He slammed the freezer door shut, and left the kitchen.  
  
Nekoi carefully opened the door, and looked at Fuuma. "I take it you never told him that you like to reside in our freezer on Thursday's and play cards with Nataku?"  
  
"I never told him I floated around Tokyo naked either."  
  
"Hmm...I better start watching the skies then," she replied with a giggle.  
  
"I'm naked from around seven until whenever I finish my rounds. Usually about three hours. Except Sundays, that's my off day."  
  
"Okay! Thanks!"  
  
"Daddy," said Nataku, looking at Fuuma, "Is this good?" Nataku laid down a beautiful royal flush.  
  
"Well, hot damn! You beat me again!" said Fuuma. He only had a pair of twos.  
  
Nekoi shrugged and shut the door.  
  
'Those Chi no Ryu are so wierd!' she thought. 'I wonder where that Kusanagi guy is....'  
  
Next Time: Part Four: Tying the Knot! Keiichi's Forgotten Lines!  
  
Yesyes.....you say, why no part four here? because.....part three is long enough! Enjoy!!! 


	3. Kamui is Straght Part 4

Okay, a little warning....nekkid fun ahead!  
  
Part Four: Tying the Knot! Keiichi's Forgotten Lines!  
  
Kamui woke up to his alarm clock blaring the sounds of the song "Cube" by Gackt (One of Nekoi and Karen's favorite musicians, even though he had Karen going, "All the good ones are gay or taken." Then again, come to think of it, she said the same thing about Aoki sometimes too), and Kamui streched and smiled, as sunshine poured into his window. He looked outside, and saw no Fuumas or Keiichi's, or any other type of vouyers. He shuddered slightly as he remembered that scary encounter wth Satsuki and her 'friend,' Beast.....well, there would be no final battles today.  
  
Kamui got up, and got dressed. As he reached for the tie, he heard the door open, and he cringed.  
  
"Really, Subaru, I can-"  
  
"Oh no, let me," he purred. Kamui wanted to sweatdrop, he really thought he could feel the giant teardrop on the side of his face, he was so embarrased. And in pain. Subaru was so close, and Kamui couldn't back away, because Subaru was stepping on his foot. Again. And one false move, and Kamui would be on the bottom, a place where he most definetly did not want to be, all things considered. It hapened once, but it would not happen today. Not after he learned the definition of the word, 'uke'.  
  
"Su-subaru," Kamui whimpered. "Please Subaru, don't-"  
  
Subaru fnished tying the tie, and slid his arm around Kamui's tiny waist. He traced the curve of Kamui's back, and smiled.  
  
"Wh-what?" asked Kamui.  
  
"Oh, Aoki-san wanted me to check you out for scoliosis. But since you won't take off your clothes and bend over for me-"  
  
"Ack!" yelled Kamui. He jumped back away from Subaru, into the wall. "Ow, that hurt. Dammit, Subaru! What is it with everyone wanting to see me squirm?"  
  
"Because you look so cute when you squirm. Oh Kamui, Please! Give into your desires for me! Oh, just let me touch that silky har, those pouty lips like mine own, so that I may-"  
  
"Subaru! Snap the hell out of it!" Said Kamui. He delivered a hard slap to the onmyoujii's face.  
  
Subaru shook his head. "Thanks Kamui, I needed that."  
  
Kamui nodded. "Well, that's what your sister should have done instead of jumping in front of Seishiro's fist like that."  
  
Subaru was about to go into angsty hysterics. "Oh, that's right. I'm meeting Seishiro for tea and cookies at the Rainbow Bridge today. Why don't you join us after you get out of classes?"  
  
Kamui smiled hesitantly. "No, that's quite all right. You might get out of character, and I don't want to interrupt you out of character moments."  
  
Subaru would have smiled, if he could. "Thanks. Well, have fun at school."  
  
"Okay," replied Kamui. He then headed out the door.  
  
And walking down the street, he ran into a girl with blond wavy hair, and pretty eyes.  
  
Well, not that he noticed her much. He slammed right into her.....  
  
Keiichi had spent most of the morning in preperation to meet his beloved Kamui. He made sure his shirt and necktie were on straight, and that his socks were just right....Not a single hair was out of place. He looked at himself in the mirror.  
  
"I feel pretty, oh so pretty! I am pretty and witty and....and.....," Keiichi frowned. "What comes next?"  
  
No one answered him. He poked his head out the window. "Hey, Yuuto!"  
  
Yuuto looked at Keiichi in surprise. "How did you know-"  
  
"Did you think I would be stupid enough to think that Fuuma wouldn't have a spy on all of Kamui's possible suitors?"  
  
Yuuto looked at him, and thought. He was standing on top of a electric pole, because he thought it looked cool. His bondage girl friends were scaring away most of the policeman and passerbys who tried to get him to come down.  
  
Yuuto continued to think, and time continued to pass.  
  
"Look, I havn't got all day," said Keiichi. "I need some help with this song lyric."  
  
"Okay," said Yuuto. "I love that kind of game! Even more fun than sex! Shoot!"  
  
Keiichi frowned, then figured Yuuto only said that because he was straight. "Okay, here we go," he sad, and began to sing, "I feel pretty, oh so pretty! I feel pretty and witty and-," Keiichi stopped singing. "That's where I forget."  
  
"Gay," said Yuuto, flatly. "The next and last word is 'gay.' Gay gay gay GAY GAY!" Yuuto seemed utterly annoyed.  
  
"ARE THERE NO STRAGHT PEOPLE IN THIS DAMNED NEIGHBORHOOD????" yelled Yuuto. Keichi shrugged, and shut the window, and set about to applying eyeliner, a must-have for every effeminite/gay CLAMP male (come to think of it, aren't most fem boys in the CLAMP universe at least thought to be gay by most fans?), and started to sing, as Yuuto's screams of rage were muffled by the windows.  
  
".....I feel pretty, and witty and gay!"  
  
Kamui stared into the most beautiful eyes he had ever seen. He was on top of her, lying in a very suggestive position (had Sorata seen, there would be pictures and nosebleeds everywhere by the time the clock struck the next half hour mark), and his look of shock soon turned into a smile.  
  
"Kotori!" He cried. The blond girl smiled, but remained silent. He helped her to the ground, and flung his arms around her. It was a hapy moment for both of them.  
  
Until Kamui stopped, and realized that Kotori, his dead would-be girlfriend, was alive.  
  
And had strong arms.  
  
And was taller than *he* was. Well, not that that was unusual, someone being taller than he was, but Kotori had been a petite and fragile girl.....  
  
And now had no chest....?  
  
And...oh God no....  
  
Kamui felt something under this 'Kotori's' dress that made him fairly certan that this was *not* Kotori.......  
  
'Okay, mental sheck. Step away from Koto-err, the 'girl,' he thought. He stepped away, and looked at the Kotori-wannabe.  
  
'Okay...long wavy hair....nice legs....pretty eyes....I'd say that if the frame wasn't so damned masuline, okay, well, if the shoulders didn't give it away,' he thought. 'The shoulders are square, not Kotori's round shoulders. And her chest *is* flat, yet....the likeness is unbelevable....'  
  
"Is something wrong, Kamui?" asked the girl. 'She' stepped closer, and wrapped her strong arms around Kamui, and he blanched.  
  
"K-Keiichi?" he managed to squeak.  
  
"Ohh, you guessed!" he said.  
  
"Oh God oh God O GOD O GOD!!!!" he cried, jumping back. "Why, in the name of all things that are sacred and good, are you dressed like Kotori?"  
  
"Well...I wanted you to feel more comfortable around me," he said, smiling.  
  
Kamui gave him a look. "Oh, this is so definetly *not* the way to go about doing it Keiichi!"  
  
Keiichi looked like he was about to cry. Kamui felt a little pity for the guy, and hugged his friend/suitor. "Look, Keiichi....you are a nice guy and all, and I'm sorry that I yelled, but you just aren't my type."  
  
Keiichi sniffled. Kamui sighed.  
  
"Okay, okay...hey, cheer up. Let's walk to school together, ok? We might as well. I mean, I don't like you in a romantic sense, but you *are* a nice guy. We can be friends, right?" Kamui tried, smiling.  
  
'Oh! My heart be still, that's a smile all for me! Oh, perhaps there is hope yet!' thought Keiichi. They walked together towards CLAMP Campus.  
  
Above, in the sky, was a very naked Fuuma. On top of Fuuma, was Seishiro, who straddled his friend and superior, who was obviously getting a ride somewhere. Seishiro, was, of course, fully clothed.  
  
"Well, my friend," said Seishiro, "That was quite interesting. Does it happen often?"  
  
Fuuma smiled. "You'd be surprised."  
  
"I'm sure."  
  
Fuuma floated away from Kamui and his drag queen friend, towards the Rainbow Bridge. "Well...you have fun. And don't let your little onmyouji get too jealous over the ride on a naked Fuuma. I promised Nekoi she could have a turn tomorrow, so you are out of luck."  
  
Seishiro stood on Fuuma's stomach, and shrugged. "I really don't see myself needing a ride tomorrow, but I'l keep it in mind."  
  
"Ok. See ya."  
  
"Or not," replied Seishiro.  
  
Fuuma gave him a look. "You mean today is the day? I thought I could deal without the wishes today."  
  
"Hey, all I want is you to grant me the wish. I just want Subaru to touch my heart."  
  
"Sure thing," said Fuuma. Posing like a naked Superman, he flew away.  
  
  
  
Next Time: Part Five: The Truth About The Rainbow Bridge Incident.  
  
Along with a little author-chacter interaction. Oh the joys. ^_^  
  
Kamui: That means I can kill you, right?  
  
Author: Uh, er, NO.  
  
Kamui: Darn it all! *pouts*  
  
Please review? 'll love you! You can have Kamui! Or Subaru.  
  
Subaru: NoooooOOOOoOOOOoOoOOOOOOoooOOOOOoo!  
  
Kamui: *growls*  
  
Author: Mmmm.....yummy growling Kamui's! Oh, BTW, a poll-SHOULD I make the an R rated fic for language?  
  
Kamui: I think this should be rated-  
  
Fuuma: X?  
  
Seishirou: Sexy?  
  
Karen: Xy?  
  
Author: *kills all characters for thier HORRIBLE puns* Stay tuned folks! it only get....umm....X-ier? ^_^;;;;;;; 


	4. Kamui is Straight Part 5

Warning: Whilst writing, my muses and I fought. And you see that. Umm....yes.  
  
And, uhh......About the rating....yeah, it REALLY was supposed to be PG-13. I SWEAR that's what I typed in. LOL. Oops....*changes rating. lalala*  
  
Part Five: The Truth About The Rainbow Bridge Incident.  
  
Subaru saw Fuuma, naked, flying away. He walked toward Seishiro, his....well, would-be lover....well, that is if he wouldn't have killed his sister. Well, if Seishiro wouldn't have killed his sister, then he'd have to fight him, and he wouldn't have wanted that then. This way, fighting Seishiro was made slightly easier. Anyway, he walked over to Seishiro, and slapped him.  
  
"One more time," said Subaru. "And I want to be on top. No more Subaru-uke! I want to be the Subaru-seme!"  
  
Seishiro, had he been able, would have sweatdropped. Instead, the ciggerette in his mouth fell as his jaw dropped.  
  
"All you ever had to do," said Seishiro, recovering quickly, "was ask."  
  
Soon, despite the large audience of Japanese fangirls watching (and video taping for mass distribution later), Subaru finally got his wish granted.  
  
"WAHOOO!!" yelled a cowboy in Texas. He was promptly slapped for interrupting this fanfic.  
  
But then the tables turned. Seishiro took control from his onmyouji lover, and Subaru was not very happy with Seishiro. Suddenly, and for no apparent reason, Subaru's Kekkai went up.  
  
'I'm fucked...,' thought Seishiro, 'again....'  
  
"No!" he cried, in the heat of passion. "I...*pant*...wanna...oh! Be.....on...*top*!"  
  
"Then...*pant* *pant* Take it from...*huff* me!" said Seishiro, inbetween thrusts.  
  
The author promtly fainted from the happyiness of her muses *finally* paying attention, and giving her inspration. Unfortunatly, she also fell into a coma. Now, the keyboard is taken by her "muse", Ruka, who will end the rest of this chapter.  
  
"Heh heh heh," said Ruka, stepping over Alex and Tara. "Poor kids. I hope Alex feels better later...."  
  
Ruka grinned evilly, and got back to the task at hand.  
  
Subaru, angry at what Seishiro had done, glared. He balled up his fist, and stabbed it through Seishro, screaming-  
  
"NEVER MESS WITH SUBARU-SEME!!!!!!!"  
  
The Kekkai then promptly disinigrated.  
  
Kamui sat in class, next to Keiichi (still in drag for those keeping score). He felt for Keiichi, the boy really did have nice legs, and all the guys in class died when they found out that it was just Keiichi in a dress. The girls, however, were very happy, and Kamui knew that because they came to school together that morning, the girls were daydreaming about Kamui and Keiichi in bed together. Or, daydreaming about Keiichi.  
  
'As soon as they stop thinking about me all together....,' thought Kamui, 'I'll be happy.'  
  
Keiichi was trying to do the math work, but couldn't concentrate. Kamui was breathing, and he wanted to make sure he was breathing okay. You never know when boys who are supposed to save the world might fall over dead.  
  
Kamui was very aware of the staring, but because Keiichi did this everyday, he was used to it, and finished his math work. Standng up, he was going to hand it in and sit and read, but suddenly, the door was busted open, by a gust of wind. Aoki, Arashi and Nekoi were standing there.  
  
Once again, Kamui wished with all his heart he could sweatdrop.  
  
"Kamui!" cried Nekoi. "It's another kekkai! This time, it was Subaru! And it fell!"  
  
Kamui wanted to hit them. "Guys, uhh....subtle?" he said. Whispering (though what was the point, all of CLAMP Campus was used to psycho things happening), he continued, "What happened to low profiles?"  
  
"BAKA!" cried Nekoi. "Come On! We've got to go and see if there's any Subaru left to save!"  
  
Kamui was dragged out of his class. Aoki used a wind curent and a plothole to fly them to the Rainbow Bridge......  
  
Subaru stared at the bloody fist through his lover's chest. Clothes materialized on them as the kekkai fadded into nothingness.  
  
"SUUUUUUBAAAAAAARUUUUUUU!!!!!!!" yelled Kamui, on a wind current from Aoki.  
  
Subaru stared at Seishiro. "Sei-seishiro-san...."  
  
"Yes, finally," said Seishiro. "I just wanted you to know how I feel."  
  
Subaru looked at Seishiro questioningly. "What?"  
  
"The reason I never said...those three little words...was...that....you'd have to kill me then. I wanted to enjoy all of this first," he said, smiling.  
  
Ruka, the new author, sensing what was about to happen, kicked Tara and Alex. "Would one of you bitches get up and write the mush?"  
  
Tara got up, and glared at Ruka. "Screw you boy! You've been hanging out with that former prostitute friend again, haven't you!"  
  
Alex, sensing his friends were about to fight, tossed them aside, and took control of the keyboard again.  
  
"Ohhh, Seishiro-san," said Subaru. "Say the words, please....."  
  
"I.....you....love...."  
  
"What?" Asked Subaru.  
  
"I SAID, 'I LOVE YOU!' baka!!" cried Seishiro.  
  
"Oh, I love you too, Sei-chan!" Subaru cried happily, and removed his hand from Seishro's chest, and they hugged. Subaru got blood all over his nice leather bodysuit, and there was a lovely red stain on Seishiro's Armani suit from the gaping hole in his chest.  
  
As soon as Aoki got to Subaru, Subaru hugged everyone, getting them covered wth blood too.  
  
"Oh, he loves me!" he said, bouncing happily. "He loves me, love me LOVES ME!!!"  
  
Seishiro was dying. Kamui stared, he didn't think something as evil as Seishiro could bleed so much (consequently, Seishiro was thinking about his wedding day with Subaru, the fact he was dying, and what color, if any, would Kamui bleed, since he was so pale. He had a bet with Fuuma that CLAMP used food dye to make his blood dark when they drew the comics, Seishiro thought Kamui really bled water). Nekoi and Arashi were discussing wedding plans with Subaru, and Aoki took action. He picked up Seishiro, and turned to Kamui.  
  
"You know where the hospital is. Meet us there."  
  
Kamui blinked. "Okay."  
  
Aoki and Seishiro took off, Sei-chan thinking something to the effect of, 'Won't Fuuma be jealous, I'm getting a ride from Aoki!'  
  
Aoki was thinking, 'Man...now I have to get a new suit for the wedding.'  
  
"So Subaru," said Arashi, "Are *you* going to be wearing the dress?"  
  
Back to the authors.....  
  
Tara gets off the ground, and pushes a hair aside. "Alex! That's not what hapened!"  
  
"I wanted a happy ending!" he cried.  
  
"You and Ruka go and make your own happy ending! I'll finish this fanfic on my own!"  
  
"Ok."  
  
  
  
End Part....Five?  
  
Next time: Part Six: Tara-chan Tells the Truth about Rainbow Bridge!  
  
  
  
Oh....I don't think there's much left......eek! Oh well, stay tuned! *dances*  
  
PS-No, you may *not* have Subaru-kun. He belong to Sei-chan. And, well....YOU don't want to mess with Sei-chan......*do* you? 


	5. Kamui Is Straight Part 6

After a looooooooooong hiatus, it's back. I'm back. We're back. The truth, the terrifying truth of Kamui's blatent straightness is back. And guess what folks-the end is nigh! That's right, CLAMP may never finish X, but hot damn I will! And here it is folks, part six.  
  
Part Six: Tara-chan Tells the Truth about Rainbow Bridge!  
  
Seishiro, heartless due to Subaru's hand (and his own damned stupidity....the boy wanted to be on top once, JUST ONCE! What the hell is wrong Seishiro? I mean, if I were a guy, I wouldn't mind being uke to a Subaru-seme. Hmph, maybe it's a guy thing), was bleeding in Subaru's arms. This scene, at one point, made me, Tara-chan, the author cry. But now, after realizing *why* my beloved Onmyouji did what he did, I am happy. Go Subaru-san!  
*Ahem.*  
"Sei-seishiro-san," said Subaru. He was crying as his lover was dying.  
"Oh, Subaru...one last out of character moment, just for me? Thank you, I...I..."  
"What?"  
"I love you, Subaru."  
With that, Seishiro died.  
But the mourning period was breif. As soon as Kamui, Aoki, Arashi and Nekoi landed, Subaru latched himself to Kamui, and wailed.  
"HE"S DEAAAAAAAAAAD! WAAAAAHHHH!!!!"  
Kamui patted his friend's back, and held him. Soon realizing that Subaru was still very...close, he felt himself go stiff. Subaru was once again trying to feel him up, and this time, Kamui was angry for a different reason.  
"GOD! Subaru, you just lost your lover, and you already getting yourself a new one!" cried Arashi. Kamui was squirming uncomfortably, trying to get away from Subaru's groping. He kinda looked the same way that Ranma or Tenchi looks when they are being molested by their suitors.  
  
Kamui uses some character liberties, and walks over to Tara thrrough a plothole. He thwaps her, and says, "One, this little interlude thing must end, and two, at least Tenchi and Ranma's suitors AREN'T GUYS!"  
"Kuno," replies Tara.  
Kamui, defeated, walks away.  
  
Back at the mansion of the Ten no Ryu, Kamui gets a shower. Everyone else is playing cards, and sipping green tea, and Subaru is still in his bloodstained leather. He's now taken back the Prince of Angst title from Kamui, because, let's face it; after Seishiro died, we are all STILL waiting for any news of Subaru (the thing with the eye never happened-it's too gross, even for CLAMP).  
Kamui sat down, and joined in the current game.  
"Got any aces, Kamui-chan?" asked Karen.  
"Nope," he replied. "Go fish!"  
"FUCK THE FISH!" Yelled a voice. Suddenly, the table was shattered by wires, and the evil mwa-ha-ha's of Fuuma were heard.  
"Come to me, Kamui!" said Fuuma. The wires tied Kamui up, and Kamui was pinned against the wall, spread-eagle. For any Kamui fan, it was a tasty sight.  
Fuuma grinned. "Mmmm...tasty."  
Nekoi sighed happily, Karen mutered something about 'underage,' Aoki and Sorata complained about the lack of straightness in the world, Subaru restrained himself from the urge to lick Kamui's toes, And Fuuma was...happy to see the sight before him.  
Suddenly, a black clad male burst into the kitchen. He was dressed as a ninja. Unmasking himself, he pressed his lips to Kamui's before anyone could stop him, even Fuuma. The kiss was a quite enpassioned one, and everyone, Kamui included, did nothing to stop this man from assulting Kamui's sensuous lips (that scream to be kissed...someone make me a CLAMP character....Oh, hot damn! Make me Keiichi, Subaru, even Fuuma! I just wanna kiss Kamui. Please??? No? All right, all right...I don't want to die anyway.)  
Oh, that was a baaaaaaaaaaaaad move.  
  
Elsewhere, Kakyuu and Nataku were playing cards. Kakyuu peered into the dreamscapes of some pretty strange people, and was scared to see the odd dreamers of the KakyuuxNataku pairing.  
"Scary," muttered Kakyuu.  
"Hmm?" asked Nataku.  
"Nothing. People are just...odd."  
"Oh?" it asked. "How so?"  
"They think sexless things like to have sex."  
"Oh," replied Nataku. They kept playing cards.  
Nataku looked at Kakyuu. "What's sex?"  
Kakyuu sighed. "Didn't a bad porn start like this, Seishiro?"  
The ghost of Seishiro shrugged. "Maybe. I'm not sure, I don't watch the straight stuff."  
Kakyuu sighed.  
  
Suddenly, the stranger was pelted against the far wall of the kitchen with Kamui's telekinetic powers. Everyone stared, Kamui never used his powers like they did.  
"Hot damn, he must be pissed," muttered Sorata. Everyone present, and even those not present but watching (like Kakyuu, he had enough of the scary porn dreams for one night), and fangirls everywhere, nodded.  
"Look," said Kamui, "I don't mind the being hit on all the time too much. I let it slide most of the time when someone is touching me. I even *kindly* ask you guys to stop. But if I am EVER FUCKING KISSED AGAIN BY ANOTHER GUY, THAT'S IT! YOU'LL ALL DIEDIEDIE!!!!!"  
Wth that, Kamui broke his bonds, and stormed out of the room, and to his bed.  
  
End Part Six. Part Seven to follow in a few moments. ^_^ Well, if you WANT to read it, that is. You don't have to. In fact, why don't you just go soak your bones in some nice bubbly water, eh? :-D Sounds like a good time to me. *insert the authour taking a break here* 


	6. Kamui Is Straight Part 7

Here is is....the final (thank GOD) Chapter in Kamui's straightness saga. We hope you have enjoyed the show. ^_^  
  
  
Part Seven: It's the End of the World as we Know It! The Final Battle! Or not.  
  
Fifty years have passed since it was first the year 1999 in the CLAMP world of Tokyo. Fiftey years, and no one has aged.  
Because the Story of X continues on.  
And On, an on, and on, and on, and-*THWAP*  
Ahem. Anyway, in a dark and dusky bar, Aoki Seiichiro is drinking some fine potato vodka (blame it on the Russians, it's thier creating...the vodka, that is, not Aoki-sama), thinking about the past fiftey years.   
'My wife is still beautiful...doesn't question the fact I havn't been home for more than a day at a time, even though I'm surrounded by the lovely manga-ka, and the soap girl Karen-san....Oh lovey, I miss you. I miss our daughter, I miss everything. And then, there are all of these nubile young men around me....,' Aoki thought, and shifted in his chair. He took another sip from the glass, and sighed again. 'I swear, Kamui is as pretty as a girl....you know, I don't think that Subaru, Keiichi and Fuuma are attracted to him because he's a pretty man. I think it's because they look at him and think-girl with penis. And if I could have a penny for everytime Sorata hit on Kamui......'  
Into the bar walked a tall, broad shouldered man who did *not* look his age of 17+50. Short, spiky black hair and a trendy trench coat, sportng a very slick pair of raybans that would make any MIB 'look good', even Agent K. He sat down across from Aoki, and smiled.  
"You don't mind, do you?"  
"Dammit Fuuma....not here. Not now," said Aoki. Fuuma lifted Aoki's chin to meet hs eyes, and smiled.  
"That's not why I'm here....at least, not at the moment anyway," he said, smiling. "By the way, thank you for taking Seishiro's place, I was wondering what [authorial note: read "who"] I was going to do since he left."  
Aoki smiled back, and gave Fuuma his best drunken grin as he batted the hand away from his chin. "Noooooo problem, me amigo. As long as you no killa me, we-a be fiiiiiine."  
Fuuma snorted. "Aoki, you are drunk."  
Aoki grinned more. "Yup. Just started to kick in. I figured, it's been fiftey damned years, Fuuma-baby. I've been Sei-chan's replacment for fiftey years, ands I've never once felt for a moment that you were going to start the holy 'final battle' any time soon, you know? So, I figured getting drunk wouldn't matter much."  
Fuuma nodded. "You've got a point."  
"So, you got sumthin I wanna hear?"  
"Yes," said Fuuma. His voice was grave, and serious. "Aoki, you are the very wind beneath my wings."  
Aoki fell over.  
  
Kamui was gong to leave the house. He was dressed in tight tight tight leather pants he had borowed from Subaru, and was wearing a soft, silky shirt that was half buttoned. He looked damn sexy.  
'I'm gong to go and pck up chicks, rah!' thought Kamui. 'No more being told I'm gay, no sir, I'm straight as an arrow!'  
"Hey Kamui," said Subaru, staring at Kamui's sweet leather-clad ass, "Next time you want to get into my pants, all you have to do is ask."  
Kamui, who had been horny just seconds before, walked dejectedly towards his room.  
"K-kamui? What's wrong?"  
"Nothing. I think I'm going to go and call Fuuma."  
"WHAT????"  
"You heard me. It's time to end this!"  
  
In the bar where we had left Fuuma and Aoki, after Fuuma revived Aoki, the two started doing shots together, tryng to drink the other under the table. Since coming to Tokyo 50 years ago, Aoki had grown immune to the immidiate effects of potato vodka (Dan Quale spelling 'potatoe vodkah'), and Fuuma, since becoming the Dark Kamui, had been doing shots with 'The Morning Star' (bonus points if you know who I'm talking about, triple bonus points if you know the movie where I got that from, and even more if you know the character who says the words in reference to 'The Morning Star', and hell, a dollar if you know the actor and can recite the scene), so he wasn't going down for awhile.  
But then, suddenly, Karen burst through the door. "Aoki!" she cried, a great urgency in her voice. "It's Arashi!"  
Fuuma snorted. It was sexy. "So? What's the bitch done now?" asked Fuuma.  
Igoring the sexy snort from Fuuma, and his comment (okay, so all the good ones were gay or taken, and Fuuma....well, he wasn't one of the ones Karen deemed 'good,' but he was definetly gay in her mind), Kaen looked at Aoki. "Aoki, she's locked herself in the champange room! It's horrible! And Sorata-"  
"Fuck Sorata!" [Authorial note: Aoki SWORE? *dies*] said Aoki, finally snapping back to attention. "Doesn't she know?"  
Karen looked at Aoki, then to Fuuma. Fuuma shrugged. Then Karen realized, 'shitfuckhell, what's Fuuma doing drinking with Aoki? WAIT-what's Aoki doing drinking with Fuuma???'  
"Aoki-san," said Fuuma, gently, but wavering, "What's the problem?"  
"THERE IS NO X IN THE CHAMPANGE ROOM!"  
Fuuma was curious. Then Karen said, "But Kamui said-"  
"NO!" yelled Aoki. "No matter what Kamui Shiro says, there is NO X in the Champagne Room."  
Karen grabbed Aoki, and headed for the door. Fuuma drunkenly followed.  
  
Part Seven B: No X in the Champane Room  
  
Karen was trying to burn down the door to the Champange room, but to no use. Kamui had mind-bolted the door shut, and had trapped himself inside.  
"For the love of GOD, Kamui!" yelled Aoki. "There's to be NO X IN THE GOD-DAMNED CHAMPAGNE ROOM!!!!"  
"It's no use," said Nekoi. "We've been trying to tell them that all night, but to no avail. Kamui says he's not coming out until everyone acceptes he's straight, and Arashi won't leave until Sorata promises not to try and have sex with her anymore."  
"Hmm," hummed Aoki. "A problem indeed. Well, Arashi we can do, but Kamui isn't really straight."  
"Hah. Looks like you haven't tried to seduce him," said Subaru, wearing the usual leather. "The boy is always whimpering. You know, despite the way he reacts under Fuuma's hands, I think he's truly straight."  
"You've got to be kidding! Pretty boys like that can't be straight!" said Sorata. "It's geneticaly impossible."  
A voice cried out from inside the room. "Well, it's true! So, bite me Sorata! I'm straight, you're straight, the only people here who are into men are Karen, Nekoi and Subaru!"  
"Wait," said Karen, "what about Arashi?"  
"Oh," said Arashi's voice from behind the door, "I have to tell he truth. I find women much more stimulating."  
Everyone cringed as Sorata howled into the night.  
  
Fuuma, who had followed everyone to the manson, had decded that it was better to pass out on the front steps then find out what was going on (though not really, he was just too inebriated to move by the time he got there). Luckily, Yuuto appeared about then, and had his bondage women pick Fuuma up, and carry him back to the Chi no Ryu base of Operations.  
  
One Week Later:  
  
********Tokyo Morning Newspaper**********  
  
Yesterday, someone reported seeing blue and red dragons fighting around Tokyo Tower. As residents and passerbys were assured that it was NOT another Season of Fushigi Yuugi being played out, or the newest Sailor Moon Musical, police did report many differents severed heads and bodies falling from up above.  
One observer said that when the heads started to fall, strange music began to play all over the park. She said, "I didn't recognise the song at first....but once the lyrics of the song became audible, I knew right away-it was that old X-Japan song, 'Forever Love'. It was shocking, I was pretty sure that X Japan had brocken up a few years ago."  
After that, it weas reported that two Japanese school boys, one Shiro Kamui and one Monou Fuuma, came floating down from the top of Tokyo Tower, each holding a severed head in their hands. Shiro was holding Monou's head, and Monou was holding Shiro's head. Once they landed, they began sobbing hysterically, and hugging the heads. Yuzihria Nekoi was reported as saying that's when the song burst out with the lines "Forever love/Forever dream."  
After that, a pillar of light sucked up Shiro, and no one has seen him since.  
  
  
  
The end.  
  
Moral of the story: The only way to end X is hugging some pretty boy severed heads, and singing "Forever Love."   
  
P.S.- Stay tuned for an Epiloge. It should be here....next week, or sooner. You'll like it. We promise. 


	7. Kamui Is Straight; Epilogue

Short, sweet, and to the point. An Epilogue. Enjoy.  
  
  
Kamui looked around. In his arms was the head of Fuuma, and he stared at it blankly.  
*Okay...last I checked I was in Tokyo, holding Fuuma's head,* he thought. He paused, and looked around. *Now I'm surrounded by a lush forest. Huh. This...is odd.*  
Suddenly, there was a rustling in the trees behind Kamui (of course BEHIND him, you can't reasonably startle someone from the front, CAN you?). Two girls, one with short, blond wavy hair and the other with long straight blue hair walked out from behind them.  
"OH MY GOD HE'S HOLDING A SEVERED HEAD!!! AIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEE!!!!" screeched the blue haired one.  
Kamui blinked, and looked at the head. He held it out towards her, grinning evilly. "You mean this?"  
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD PUT THAT AWAY!!!"  
While the girl was screeching, a little man with funky white-purply hair and a horn-shaped thing on his head appeared. "Dear God, this is the sorriest bunch of Magic Knights I've ever seen....."  
"What did you call me?" asked Kamui.  
"Magic Knights...."  
The girl stopped her screeching and walked over. "Oh, this is the part where we introduce ourselves. I'm Umi."   
"The blond smiled, "I'm Fuu-"   
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!" screamed Kamui.  
"No, Not Fuu-AAAAAAAAAAAA!!! Just Fuu."   
"................"   
"Okay, great, we know each other....now to business. You three have been brought here to save Cephiro from-"   
"Wait, he didn't say his name!" whined Umi.  
"Oh....according to the script, his name is Hikaru," said Fuu, holding the MKR script in her hand. "Of course, according to this he has a braid and his hair is red too.....oh, and he's female too."  
Umi looked at him, and then the script. "Mmm....ye Gods! You're right. Um, maybe he got switched with her somehow?"  
  
Elsewhere.....  
  
"AIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEE!!!!!"  
"I *told* you I was a WOMAN!"  
"But Kamui-"  
"MY NAME IS HIKARU!!!! HI-KA-RU! *not* Kamui!!"  
"But Dear, you look just like him," said Fuuma.  
"Well, obviously you found something that was *not* congruent with your mental image of him."  
"Well, the last time I molested the boy he most certainly did *not* have breasts!" cried Fuuma, outraged. "Oh, woe to me, I have lost my molestation doll!"  
As Fuuma sobbed, Hikaru sneaked away, and ran outside. She flailed around, trying to get a taxi. "TAXIIIIIIIII!!!!"  
A taxi cab pulled up. Hikaru was surprised when the cabbie pulled up and said, in a New York accent, "Sos, wheres ya wants ta go girlie?"  
"Tokyo TOWER!!!"  
  
Moments Later (Goodness, I LOVE the "Later" options.....)  
  
A beam of light was seen exploding in front of Tokyo Tower for the second time in two days, and all time low (usually it's about five or so times a day), and there was a cry heard over the city.  
  
Kamui was back in Tokyo.  
  
END.  
  
Cause dear GOD, it had to end.  
  
Thanks for your patience and support! In the next month or so, Keep an eye out for "And Sorata Got Laid," brought to you by me, Tara-chan. You could think of it as a sequel, or you could think of it as more proposed hilarity. But I'm thinking you all shall love it. Toodles! 


End file.
